HE HANDED THAT SHIT TO HIMMMMM
Farrakhan does not fear man. Amen.
You cannot be racist to white people
just like you can’t fire your boss
because you don’t have that power
See, this is a great analogy because an employee can say the same words to their boss and it would have a completely different effect as their boss saying those words to them. A boss tells the employee: “You’re fired.” and what happens? The employee is fired. An employee tells the boss: “You’re fired.” and what happens? The employee will either not be taken seriously and laughed at, or more likely, will be reprimanded for overstepping their role and punished or fired. Such is how PoC are treated in relation to white people. Whites saying discriminatory statements about or to people of color has real world effects; they are taken seriously, they are believed, and those statements effect the treatment of people of color. But PoC saying those same exact statements to white people are either laughed at or, more likely, considered to be overstepping their bounds and are punished, because they lack the backing of a kyriarchal power structure that reinforces racial supremacy.
Why Guys Like Asian Girls - Anna Akana
Abusive Expectations - Makes impossible demands, requires constant attention, and constantly criticizes.
Aggressing - Name calling, accusing, blames, threatens or gives orders, and often disguised as a judgmental “I know best” or “helping” attitude.
Constant Chaos - Deliberately starts arguments with you or others. May treat you well in front of others, but changes when you’re alone.
Rejecting - Refusing to acknowledge a person’s value, worth or presence. Communicating that he or she is useless or inferior or devaluing his or her thoughts and feelings.
Denying - Denies personal needs (especially when need is greatest) with the intent of causing hurt or as punishment. Uses silent treatment as punishment. Denies certain events happened or things that were said. Denies your perceptions, memory and sanity by disallowing any viewpoints other than their own which causes self-doubt, confusion, and loss of self-esteem.
Degrading - Any behavior that diminishes the identity, worth or dignity of the person such as: name-calling, mocking, teasing, insulting, ridiculing,
Emotional Blackmail - Uses guilt, compassion, or fear to get what he or she wants.
Terrorizing - Inducing intense fear or terror in a person, by threats or coercion.
Invalidation - Attempts to distort your perception of the world by refusing to acknowledge your personal reality. Says that your emotions and perceptions aren’t real and shouldn’t be trusted.
Isolating - Reducing or restricting freedom and normal contact with others.
Corrupting - Convincing a person to accept and engage in illegal activities.
Exploiting - Using a person for advantage or profit.
Minimizing - A less extreme form of denial that trivializes something you’ve expressed as unimportant or inconsequential.
Unpredictable Responses - Gets angry and upset in a situation that would normally not warrant a response. You walk around on eggshells to avoid any unnecessary drama over innocent comments you make. Drastic mood swings and outbursts.
Gaslighting -A form of psychological abuse involving the manipulation of situations or events that cause a person to be confused or to doubt his perceptions and memories. Gaslighting causes victims to constantly second-guess themselves and wonder if they’re losing their minds.
“Why do police have quotas? If a doctor went around intentionally sneezing on people to get more patients, that would be seen as a travesty to their profession. But police, can sit around and wait for someone to turn on a red light or commit other mundane ‘offenses’ because they have quotas to meet. Quotas are all the proof we need that policing is not a public service vocation; it’s a business and a subsidiary of Wall Street.”
While I was sleeping, this went viral.
I think the “women are mysterious” thing can also come from:
1) Women actually being quite clear, but not telling men what they want to hear. ”She said she doesn’t want to talk to me? So many mixed messages and confusing signals!”
2) Women not having cheat codes. ”I tried being nice, and she didn’t have sex with me. I tried being an asshole, and she didn’t have sex with me. Come on, there’s got to be some kind of solution to this puzzle!”
3) Women not being a hive mind. ”First a woman told me that she likes guys with big muscles. Then the very next day a woman told me she thinks muscles aren’t attractive at all. Make up your mind, women!”
4) An individual woman doing something confusing, and instead of asking “why is she doing this now?” men ask “why do women always do this?”
“A popular justification for this double standard is that men have an inherent need to be with many different women, while women want to be monogamous. Over the years I have had many clients use such sociobiological arguments with me, saying that from a genetics standpoint males have reason to desire sex with as many different females as possible, whereas females succeed best—in evolutionary terms—if they choose their partners carefully. You might call this the “human beings are basically baboons” argument. In reality, there are plenty of examples of stable monogamy in nature.* But these arguments are ultimately beside the point; there is simply no excuse for double standards or any other aspect of abuse. (I sometimes ask my clients, when they attempt to lead me into this theoretical quagmire, “Do you cook your meat before you eat it?” When they answer that of course they do, I say, “Isn’t that awfully unnatural? I’ve never seen any other animal do such a peculiar thing.” Human behavior can only be measured by human standards.)”
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft, on using “evolution” as sexism justification.
*And, might I add, there are also plenty of examples of non-monogamous females in nature as well. Furthermore, “human standards” are not homogeneous.
I love this book. Everyone should read it. Everyone.
“I have often had people say to me over the years, ‘Wow, that’s really something, that you could work with abusers for all those years! I just really don’t think I could do that!’ And they find it something kind of admirable.
Lundy Bancroft on “Domestic Violence in Popular Culture” (via thehumblearticulatefeminist)
And I say, ‘Well, why? What do you think is so hard about it? Or why do you think you couldn’t do it?’ And they say, ‘Well, because I just don’t think I could have any sympathy or compassion for the abuser.’
To me that’s arguably the beginning point of the confusion that abusers have created. They’ve created the notion that they are owed sympathy and compassion. Why?
They’re not owed a DROP of special sympathy and compassion for the fact that they beat women. Since when is that a category for special sympathy and compassion?
During the years that I worked with abusers, if a client came into the group with a broken leg, I had sympathy and compassion for him about his broken leg. But I NEVER had sympathy and compassion by him for being a woman-abuser.”
“White men make up approximately 36% of the population, but commit 75% of mass shootings. What would be called terrorism by any other skin tone is suddenly some mysterious unnamed disease. We as a society are perfectly happy to further stigmatize mentally ill people, who are far more likely to be victims of violence than commit violence, in the service of protecting white supremacy and male entitlement.”The “Mental Illness” We Refuse To Name: White Male Entitlement | Constituative Outsider (via radioheadofficial)
THE MYTHS ABOUT ABUSERS
- He was abused as a child.
- His previous partner hurt him.
- He abuses those he loves the most.
- He holds in his feelings too much.
- He has an aggressive personality.
- He loses control.
- He is too angry.
- He is mentally ill.
- He hates women.
- He is afraid of intimacy and abandonment.
- He has low self-esteem.
- His boss mistreats him.
- He has poor skills in communication and conflict resolution.
- There are as many abusive women as abusive men.
- His abusiveness is as bad for him as for his partner.
“One year my colleagues David and Carole were preparing a skit on abuse for a conference, and they decided to perform a rehearsal for their abuser group. Afterward, the group members rapid-fired their suggestions for improving the skit, directing them mostly at David: “No, no, you don’t make excuses for why you’re home late, that puts you on the defensive, you’ve got to turn it around on her, tell her you know she’s cheating on you….. You’re staying too far away from her, David. Take a couple of steps toward her, so she’ll know that you mean business…. You’re letting her say too much. You’ve got to cut her off and stick to your points.” The counselors were struck by how aware the clients were of the kinds of tactics they use, and why they use them: In the excitement of giving feedback on the skit, the men let down their facade as “out-of-control abuser who doesn’t realize what he’s doing.”
“Why Does He Do That” by Lundy Bancroft (via bajo-el-mar)
I really need to read this, Jesus.
Did you know?
White American males constitute only 33% of the population. Yet, they occupy approximately:
- 80% of tenured positions in higher education
- 80% of the House of Representatives
- 80-85% of the U.S. Senate
- 92%of Forbes 400 executive CEO-level positions
- 90% of athletic team owners
- 97.7% of U.S. presidents
Nicholas Lord, a Navy sailor since 2008 currently on active duty, is under investigation after threatening to rape a young woman who is a Navy recruit.
The young woman posted a photo of herself on Facebook, captioning it to say she’s proud of how she’s working hard to get in shape for the Navy, and she’s excited to be leaving soon. The photo was shared on the page for her Delayed Entry Program for her fellow Navy recruits.
Nicholas Lord, who is not a current recruit and who has been serving in the Navy since 2008, then commented:
You’ll end up pregnant real soon you fucking wh***. If I could and I knew you, I’d hold you down and rape you.
The next day, Lord gloated about his threat on his Facebook page, updating his status to say he’d been “trolling feminist pages.” In case it needs to be said, the Facebook page for a Navy program is not a “feminist page.” It’s a Navy recruiting page. (x) (x)
I don’t know what the Navy’s punishment system is like, but I hope he gets the worst possible. I hope they investigate his past history in the military, too. If he’s bold enough to outright threaten female recruits, under his own name, on public, Navy-run social media, I seriously doubt he hasn’t harassed and threatened female sailors. He may even have raped them.
Especially given the military’s problem with letting men get away with harassment and rape, they need to severely punish him.
The cycle of abuse makes it really easy for abusers to find partners, since the cycle includes a “honeymoon” phase, in which the perpetrator makes everything seem not just fine, but actually ideal and fantastic. So the people who they start dating are only seeing this one positive side to them before the cycle kicks into gear. The relationships virtually always start in “honeymoon phase” with, at the most, maybe a couple hints of something being off, but it’s not enough to set off any red flags or overshadow the otherwise positive attention/affection they are receiving. I hope that helps you understand.
Read Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft. It literally explains everything.
Abusers are very good at manipulating. Something this explains well.
Thank you all for adding these comments.