“White men make up approximately 36% of the population, but commit 75% of mass shootings. What would be called terrorism by any other skin tone is suddenly some mysterious unnamed disease. We as a society are perfectly happy to further stigmatize mentally ill people, who are far more likely to be victims of violence than commit violence, in the service of protecting white supremacy and male entitlement.”The “Mental Illness” We Refuse To Name: White Male Entitlement | Constituative Outsider (via radioheadofficial)
THE MYTHS ABOUT ABUSERS
- He was abused as a child.
- His previous partner hurt him.
- He abuses those he loves the most.
- He holds in his feelings too much.
- He has an aggressive personality.
- He loses control.
- He is too angry.
- He is mentally ill.
- He hates women.
- He is afraid of intimacy and abandonment.
- He has low self-esteem.
- His boss mistreats him.
- He has poor skills in communication and conflict resolution.
- There are as many abusive women as abusive men.
- His abusiveness is as bad for him as for his partner.
“One year my colleagues David and Carole were preparing a skit on abuse for a conference, and they decided to perform a rehearsal for their abuser group. Afterward, the group members rapid-fired their suggestions for improving the skit, directing them mostly at David: “No, no, you don’t make excuses for why you’re home late, that puts you on the defensive, you’ve got to turn it around on her, tell her you know she’s cheating on you….. You’re staying too far away from her, David. Take a couple of steps toward her, so she’ll know that you mean business…. You’re letting her say too much. You’ve got to cut her off and stick to your points.” The counselors were struck by how aware the clients were of the kinds of tactics they use, and why they use them: In the excitement of giving feedback on the skit, the men let down their facade as “out-of-control abuser who doesn’t realize what he’s doing.”
“Why Does He Do That” by Lundy Bancroft (via bajo-el-mar)
I really need to read this, Jesus.
Did you know?
White American males constitute only 33% of the population. Yet, they occupy approximately:
- 80% of tenured positions in higher education
- 80% of the House of Representatives
- 80-85% of the U.S. Senate
- 92%of Forbes 400 executive CEO-level positions
- 90% of athletic team owners
- 97.7% of U.S. presidents
Nicholas Lord, a Navy sailor since 2008 currently on active duty, is under investigation after threatening to rape a young woman who is a Navy recruit.
The young woman posted a photo of herself on Facebook, captioning it to say she’s proud of how she’s working hard to get in shape for the Navy, and she’s excited to be leaving soon. The photo was shared on the page for her Delayed Entry Program for her fellow Navy recruits.
Nicholas Lord, who is not a current recruit and who has been serving in the Navy since 2008, then commented:
You’ll end up pregnant real soon you fucking wh***. If I could and I knew you, I’d hold you down and rape you.
The next day, Lord gloated about his threat on his Facebook page, updating his status to say he’d been “trolling feminist pages.” In case it needs to be said, the Facebook page for a Navy program is not a “feminist page.” It’s a Navy recruiting page. (x) (x)
I don’t know what the Navy’s punishment system is like, but I hope he gets the worst possible. I hope they investigate his past history in the military, too. If he’s bold enough to outright threaten female recruits, under his own name, on public, Navy-run social media, I seriously doubt he hasn’t harassed and threatened female sailors. He may even have raped them.
Especially given the military’s problem with letting men get away with harassment and rape, they need to severely punish him.
The cycle of abuse makes it really easy for abusers to find partners, since the cycle includes a “honeymoon” phase, in which the perpetrator makes everything seem not just fine, but actually ideal and fantastic. So the people who they start dating are only seeing this one positive side to them before the cycle kicks into gear. The relationships virtually always start in “honeymoon phase” with, at the most, maybe a couple hints of something being off, but it’s not enough to set off any red flags or overshadow the otherwise positive attention/affection they are receiving. I hope that helps you understand.
Read Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft. It literally explains everything.
Abusers are very good at manipulating. Something this explains well.
Thank you all for adding these comments.
Remember that intimate conversation you had with your son? The one where you said, “I love you and I need you to know that no matter how a woman dresses or acts, it is not an invitation to cat call, taunt, harass or assault her”?
Or when you told your son, “A woman’s virginity isn’t a prize and sleeping with a woman doesn’t earn you a point”?
How about the heart-to-heart where you lovingly conferred the legal knowledge that “a woman doesn’t have to be fighting you and you don’t have to be pinning her down for it to be RAPE. Intoxication means she can’t legally consent, NOT that she’s an easy score.”
Or maybe you recall sharing my personal favorite, “Your sexual experiences don’t dictate your worth just like a woman’s sexual experiences don’t dictate hers.”
Last but not least, do you remember calling your son out when you discovered he was using the word “slut” liberally? Or when you overheard him talking about some girl from school as if she were more of a conquest than a person?
I want you to consider these conversations and then ask yourself why you don’t remember them. The likely reason is because you didn’t have them. In fact, most parents haven’t had them.” The Conversation You Must Have With Your Sons | Carina Kolodny (via albinwonderland)
If someone makes you feel obligated or forced to do something you don’t want to, you may be experiencing coercion. By definition, sexual coercion is “the act of using pressure, alcohol or drugs, or force to have sexual contact with someone against his or her will” and includes “persistent attempts to have sexual contact with someone who has already refused.”
Think of sexual coercion as a spectrum or a range. It can vary from someone verbally egging you on to someone actually forcing you to have contact with them. It can be verbal and emotional, in the form of statements that make you feel pressure, guilt or shame. You can also be made to feel forced through more subtle actions. For example, your partner might:
- Make you feel like you owe them — for example, because you’re in a relationship, because you’ve had sex before, because they spent money on you or bought you a gift, because you go home with them
- Give you compliments that sound extreme or insincere as an attempt to get you to agree to something
- Badger you, yell at you, or hold you down
- Give you drugs and alcohol to loosen up your inhibitions
- Play on the fact that you’re in a relationship, saying things such as: “Sex is the way to prove your love for me” or “If I don’t get sex from you I’ll get it somewhere else”
- React negatively (with sadness, anger or resentment) if you say no or don’t immediately agree to something
- Continue to pressure you after you say no
- Make you feel threatened or afraid of what might happen if you say no
- Try to normalize their sexual expectations — for example, “I need it, I’m a guy.”
In a relationship where sexual coercion is occurring, there is a lack of consent, and the coercive partner doesn’t respect the boundaries or wishes of the other.
1. Because a woman brought into this world will inevitably be given pepper spray “just in case.”
2. Because by sixteen, a young girl knows how to avoid being sexually assaulted, while a boy of the same age does not fear sexual assault in the slightest.
3. Because a girl who mocks men is a bitch, and a boy who mocks women is joking.
4. Because a girl who has sex is a slut, and a boy who has sex is a man.
5. Because in a murder, the killer is at fault, but the blame of rape is often put on the victim.
6. Because we teach girls how not to get raped instead of teaching anyone simply not to rape.
7. Because a woman should put more clothes on if her outfit makes a man uncomfortable, because his self control is her responsibility.
8. Because feminists just need to chill out.
9. Because a 22 year old sex-obsessed virgin can murder 7 people, and the problem is that someone should’ve just slept with him.
10. Because not all men are predators, but yes, all women are prey.” (via onefitmodel)
Regarding “not all men”: I have only dated two men, one of which was possessive, controlling, and emotionally abusive. I have turned another man, a coworker, down for a date on the basis of already having a boyfriend (telling him no because he creeped me out and reminded me of my abusive ex was, of course, out of the question), whereupon he began ranting about how he was a “nice guy,” literally interrogating me about who my boyfriend was and how long we’d been together, saying he’d never heard of my boyfriend before (I had barely ever spoken to this guy) so I must be lying to him, informing me that I must only want to date jerks like every other woman out there, how all he wants is a girlfriend and why couldn’t anyone see what a nice guy he was (again), and calling me a bitch, as he followed me to my car in the dark. I feared for my safety from a (perfect specimen!) Nice Guy - Not All Men man.
Before this, when I was little, my male neighbor stalked my mother (and me by proxy, in order to scare my mother more) for over ten years. My father didn’t believe her and assumed she was “hysterical” as he believes all women are. Before my father, who is borderline abusive himself, my mother had five other relationships, four of which were abusive. I have had at least seven female friends and one male friend my age who were raped, some repeatedly, by fathers, stepfathers, boyfriends, “interested” men, male family friends, or random men at parties. My ability, my mother’s ability, my friends’ ability to defend ourselves as rape culture demands we do is simultaneously laughed off and deemed both unnecessary and offensive by all the men out there who say they should not be held accountable for other men’s actions.
Transcript of March 21 Interview with Catharine MacKinnon
- Question: I happened to read a new excerpts from a new book about the biological history of RAPE. Do you think there is any validity to the thesis that rape is biologically-based behavior, and can be best countered by chemical castration?
- MacKinnon: No, I don't. I think it is factually wrong and results in counterproductive and inhuman responses. It plays off the social ideology that male sexuality is uncontrollable, which it isn't. Many men manage to control themselves and have nothing wrong with their testosterone and are not underevolved. I'll go further. I think that the reason people argue that rape is biological is because of the social ideology that sexual behavior is biological. Which I also think is factually wrong. If it's for biological reproduction, I don't know what all this sexual abuse of children, use of prostitutes, homosexuality, and use of pornography are about. None of that is intended to spread anyone's gene pool, and most of it can't. (The foregoing is not a moral list, I'm FOR homosexuality, and against the other things on that list. It's an empirical list.) Chemical castration has been tried on child molesters; there may be work I haven't seen, but from what I have seen, it doesn't work. They just use bottles. This idea that the problem of rape has something to do with the male body is vicious and sexist; at best, it puts all the blame on the wrong body part. I'm afraid we are going to have to deal with how the entire society sexualizes power, makes forcing sex on someone with less power sexy. Bodies are simple. That's difficult.
- [ http: //cyber.law.harvard.edu/vaw00/edited_transcript.html ]
"without us you wouldn’t have any rights!" without you we wouldn’t have to fight for them
Always this. Always.
"Remember that men gave women the right to vote!"
And remember that men should never have been at such a social and political advantage as to be able to literally give and take away rights from groups of people.
Straight men are so damn weak.
This is how you feminist ally.
“Hey guy friends, read this (yeah it’s long):
So you’ve heard about the misogynist shooter at UCSB, and his public statements that he killed women (and guys he saw as having ‘unfair access’ to women’s bodies) because he felt like he deserved sex and attention from women, and felt entitled to revenge when the women around him understandably stayed the fuck away from his creepy self.
What he did was way more extreme than anything 99.99% of men will ever do, but our culture endorses his basic premise, and we’re the ones who should really be challenging that. This guy was steeped in a culture that told him it’s OK to get mad at women who turn you down, that girlfriends and sex partners are a reward you get for being a man the right way, and even when he started talking about murder, he didn’t really stand out until after people were dead.
You probably don’t know any future spree killers, but it’s statistically almost certain you know someone who has already or will commit rape and/or intimate partner abuse. And the thing about those guys, that we know from research is, they think they’re normal. That every other guy does the same stuff behind closed doors. Enough do that they’re not exactly wrong. And we strengthen that feeling whenever we stay quiet when someone says some sketchy shit.
When you hear a co-worker talk about getting back with or back at an ex, remind him breakups are unilateral. Tell him it’s fine to be sad on his own time, but she’s made up her mind and he’s gotta move on. Ask him why he wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be around him anymore rather than try to find someone who does.
When your cousin complains bitterly about women rejecting him even though he thinks he was nice, say ‘Dude, don’t try to make them owe you. Go find someone who LIKES you’ Maybe no one will like this guy, but that doesn’t change the rules, and he’s more likely to be likable if he gets that shit out of his head.
When you hear guys joke about forcing a woman to have sex, remember they might not be joking. Or they might be, but someone else in earshot might be relieved to hear other guys do it too. Don’t laugh. Say ‘dude, people are gonna think you’re a rapist’ and see what happens. Make it awkward. I’m not the best at this either but we all gotta try.
When your female friends or girlfriend tell you some guy in your social circle creeps them out, stop inviting him to stuff. Offer to talk to the guy with or without mentioning them specifically. Things are already awkward, you’re just handing this dude back the awkward mess he’s already made. It’s ok for you to have ‘doesn’t creep out my other friends’ as a thing you require in a friend.
Don’t make women do this shit alone. It may be hard for you, but women take WAY more heat from guys when they do these same things. We gotta get our asses off the sidelines.”
For masculine men
*claws eyes out*
tw for sexism, misogyny, transmisogyny, homophobia, body policing/shaming, MRA-speak, and more gross things I can’t think of words for.
I can’t bring myself to read this article but I’m reblogging it anyway just so y’all fellow convention-goers stay aware and safe.
LOLOLOLOLOL. Written by “redpiller1985”. What a whiny man-child.