I’d present her with these statistics and ask her to explain them (bolded for relevance to your specific situation)
"Only Psychos Think Rape is OK…Right? - Societal Attitudes Supporting Rape"
A survey of 6,159 college students enrolled at 32 institutions in the U.S. found the following: (ref 4)
- 54% of the women surveyed had been the victims of some form of sexual abuse; more than one in four college-aged women had been the victim of rape or attempted rape;
- 57% of the assaults occurred on dates;
- 73% of the assailants and 55% of the victims had used alcohol or other drugs prior to the assault;
- 25% of the men surveyed admitted some degree of sexually aggressive behavior;
- 42% of the victims told no one.
- In a survey of high school students, 56% of the girls and 76% of the boys believed forced sex was acceptable under some circumstances. (ref 5)
A survey of 11-to-14 year-olds found: (ref 5)
- 51% of the boys and 41% of the girls said forced sex was acceptable if the boy, “spent a lot of money” on the girl;
- 31% of the boys and 32% of the girls said it was acceptable for a man to rape a woman with past sexual experience;
- 87% of boys and 79% of girls said sexual assault was acceptable if the man and the woman were married;
- 65% of the boys and 47% of the girls said it was acceptable for a boy to rape a girl if they had been dating for more than six months.
In a survey of male college students:
- 35% anonymously admitted that, under certain circumstances, they would commit rape if they believed they could get away with it (ref 6,7).
- One in 12 admitted to committing acts that met the legal definitions of rape, and 84% of men who committed rape did not label it as rape. (ref 6,7)
In another survey of college males: (ref 8)
- 43% of college-aged men admitted to using coercive behavior to have sex, including ignoring a woman’s protest, using physical aggression, and forcing intercourse.
- 15% acknowledged they had committed acquaintance rape; 11% acknowledged using physical restraints to force a woman to have sex.
- Women with a history of rape or attempted rape during adolescence were almost twice as likely to experience a sexual assault during college, and were three times as likely to be victimized by a husband. (ref 9)
- Sexual assault is reported by 33% to 46% of women who are being physically assaulted by their husbands.(ref 10)
While many cheered the NFL’s move to (finally) punish Rice’s vicious behavior, too many media outlets immediately fell into a tired pattern of victim blaming.
Writer Beverly Gooden had heard enough. “I was watching the responses to the TMZ on my timeline, and I noticed a trend. People were asking ‘why did she marry him?’ and ‘why didn’t she leave him,’” Gooden told Mic. “When I saw those tweets, my first reaction was shame. The same shame that I felt back when I was in a violent marriage. It’s a sort of guilt that would make me crawl into a shell and remain silent. But today, for a reason I can’t explain, I’d had enough. I knew I had an answer to everyone’s question of why victims of violence stay. I can’t speak for Janay Rice, I can only speak for me.”
“According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, women who LEAVE their abusive partners are at a 75% greater risk of being killed than those who stay.”
Well that’s just lovely.
Please stop asking why people stay, this is why.
Charts from OKCupid, showing how straight women and men rate each other based on ages. For women, the men they find most attractive are roughly their own age. For men, the women they find most attractive are roughly the same age - 20 to 23 - regardless of the age of the man. (538)
Yea it’s clearly our “generation that’s making homosexuality a trend.” Seriously, pisses me off when people say that. look at this! It’s always been around, it’s not a trend, it’s real. It’s beautiful.
These are really beautiful images.
History Lesson: In America from about 1700-1920 there was a social rule that said that women did not have a sex drive. According to men, all women ever were asexual and only ever had sex because their husbands wanted it and as a good doting wife they would open up for him. That said, lesbians flourished in this time! Because it was believed that women did not have sex, when two women would share a house and finances together (called a Boston Marriage, look it up!) nobody thought anything of it. Because clearly they werent homosexuals since clearly women were incapable of being independently sexual. The more you know!
seriously though, imagine if commercials for “men’s” razors staunchly, fearfully avoided ever showing a beard or stubble or any trace of facial hair whatsoever, as if made in a bizarre and inexplicable alternate universe in which the thing their product exists to groom doesn’t exist
just dudes grinnin’ coyly as they mime running razors over their baby-bottom smooth jawlines, eyes glazed over, not knowing what it is they do, or why, knowing merely that they must
people keep saying that facebook makes you depressed because your friends all look like they’re having fun without you but actually i think this kind of shit is probably the greater cause of it tbh
"I think the act of carrying something that is normally found in our bedroom out into the light is supposed to mirror the way I’ve talked to the media and talked to different news channels, etc," Emma continues in the full video which you can watch here.
- What they say to kids who want pets: Are you sure you're not just saying you want one because all your friends have one? Remember, it's not going to be small and cute forever, it will grow up eventually! It's a living being that will depend entirely on you for the rest of its life. Are you really sure you're ready for this?
- What they say to adults who DON'T want kids: Oh, you'll want one sooner or later. Everybody does, after all. Besides, babies are soooo cute, aren't they? You'd better hurry up before you get too old!
On Sep 13, 1944, a princess from India lay dead at Dachau concentration camp. She had been tortured by the Nazis, then shot in the head. Her name was Noor Inayat Khan. The Germans knew her only as Nora Baker, a British spy who had gone into occupied France using the code name Madeline. She carried her transmitter from safe house to safe house with the Gestapo trailing her, providing communications for her Resistance unit.
Oh my God, yes. Let’s talk about Noor Inayat Khan.
- Wireless operators in France had a life expectancy of six weeks. Noor was actively transmitting for over three times as long.
- While she was in France, every other wireless operator in her network was slowly picked off until she was the last radio link between London and Paris. It was “the most dangerous and important post in France”.
- She was offered a way back to Britain and refused.
- In fact, in her transmissions to London, she once said that she was having the time of her life, and thanked them for giving her the opportunity to do this.
- She was captured by the Gestapo, but never gave up: she made three attempt escapes. One involved asking to take a bath, insisting on being allowed to close the door to preserve her modesty, and then clambering onto the roof of the Gestapo HQ in Paris.
- Her last word before being shot was, “Liberté!”
The term BAMF was coined for such persons.
Her entire life, and her mother’s life as well, are FASCINATING. A Royal, Muslim, Anglo-Indian woman in WWII… Could we have a sweeping FACTUAL movie please. Like now?
Yet another story I would like to read.
You guys! There IS A MOVIE!
Enemy of the Reich: The Noor Inayat Khan Story
There are more charts if you click through.
I’m so glad this info graphic is going around, because so many people don’t realize how ageism and misogyny play hand in hand and how the sexualization of young girls play into this.
The Importance of Comprehensive Sexual Education:
"Research has identified highly effective sex education and HIV prevention programs that affect multiple behaviors and/or achieve positive health impacts. Behavioral outcomes have included delaying the initiation of sex as well as reducing the frequency of sex, the number of new partners, and the incidence of unprotected sex, and/or increasing the use of condoms and contraception among sexually active participants. Long-term impacts have included lower STI and/or pregnancy rates." [x]
We need to equip people with knowledge and resources to maintain a healthy and safe lifestyle. By teaching comprehensive sex education we are allowing people to make informed decisions about their health and and personal lives. - Paige
The Basics (Anatomy and Biological functions):
- What is a vagina?
- What is a vulva? (Basic Anatomy inside links.)
- What is the vagina’s biological function during sexual intercourse (specifically PIV sex)?
- What is the uterus and what is it’s biological function?
- What is a hymen and what are the different kinds of hymens?
- What is the purpose of a hymen?
- Which hole does urine come out of and which hole does menstruation come out of?
- What is a menstrual cycle?
- What is menstruation?
- Why do we menstruate?
- How to use pads, tampons, soft cups, and menstrual cups.
- What is ovulation?
- The vagina, is in fact, designed to keep itself clean with the help of natural secretions (discharge). But there are ways you can help maintain the cleanliness of your vagina (i.e. avoiding perfumed soaps and gently washing the vulva area, not the actual vagina.) Click the link for more information.
- *Vaginal odors and discharge; what’s normal and what’s not?
- What is douching?
- "A Pap smear, also called a Pap test, is a procedure to test for cervical cancer in people. A Pap smear involves collecting cells from your cervix — the lower, narrow end of your uterus that’s at the top of your vagina."
- When do I need a pap smear?
- "A “vaginal orgasm” is the notion that [people] can have an orgasm through stimulation during intercourse or other vaginal penetration, entirely without clitoral stimulation. However, the vagina has few nerve endings, and therefore cannot create an orgasm on its own. Instead of thinking of the vagina and clitoris as separate entities, try thinking about them as a network of nerves and muscles."
- "There’s some disagreement about the size of the G-spot; it may range from a quarter inch to a couple inches along the upper wall of your vagina, about an inch or two past your vaginal opening. Underneath it is highly sensitive tissue that, when touched the right way, triggers feelings of sexual happiness, explains Debby Herbenick, PhD."
- Myths and facts about orgasms.
- Tips on how to have an orgasm.
- Having trouble reaching an orgasm? No worries, there is help! [x][x]
- "Female genital mutilation (FGM) includes procedures that intentionally alter or cause injury to the female genital organs for non-medical reasons."
- “The procedure has no health benefits for girls and women.”
- "Procedures can cause severe bleeding and problems urinating, and later cysts, infections, infertility as well as complications in childbirth and increased risk of newborn deaths."
- "FGM is a violation of the human rights of girls and women."
The Basics (Anatomy and Biological Functions):
- What is a penis?
- What are testicles? (Basic Anatomy inside links.)
- What is the penis’ biological function during sexual intercourse? (Specifically PIV sex.)
- Examining your testicles for Testicular Cancer: How to.
- "Gently wash the penis with warm water each day when you’re having a shower or bath. If you have a foreskin, pull it back gently and wash underneath."
- "Gently washing your penis once a day with warm water is sufficient to maintain good hygiene. If you want to use soap, choose a mild or non-perfumed soap to reduce the risk of skin irritation."
- "An erection begins in the brain. Physical and/or mental stimulation cause nerves in the brain to send chemical messages to nerves in the penis telling the penile blood vessels to relax so that blood can flow freely into the penis. Once in the penis, high pressure traps the blood within both corpora cavernosa. This causes the penis to expand and sustain an erection."
- "Ejaculation, the release of semen at climax, is triggered when a person reaches a critical level of excitement."
- *Overcoming ejaculation problems.
- Is ejaculation and having an orgasm the same thing?
- What is semen and what does it do?
- What is Erectile Dysfunction? Treatments.
- "Circumcision is the removal of a simple fold of skin (the `foreskin’ or `prepuce’) that covers the head (glans) of the un-erect penis."
- While there are benefits of being circumcised, it is not medically necessary.
- What is masturbation and how do you do it?
- Why do people masturbate?
- Is masturbating normal and can it be harmful?
(Short answer: Masturbation is normal, and no it is not harmful!)
- WebMDs Masturbation FAQ.
- The benefits of masturbation: [x] [x]
- An Asexual’s Guide to Masturbation.
- People define “sex” in different ways. Some people believe that it only counts as sex if a penis goes into a vagina, but this isn’t true for everybody. There are lots of different ideas about what sex can be: Vaginal sex (penis-in-vagina intercourse), Oral sex (mouth-to-genital contact), Anal sex (penis-in-anus intercourse), Dry humping or genital rubbing, Fingering or hand jobs (hand-to-genital contact), and Masturbation.
- What is oral sex?
- What is anal sex?
- Why do people have sex?
- How to have safe sex.
(STI and pregnancy prevention goes more in depth below!)
- "Whenever you have sex, you need to make sure that your partner is just as enthusiastic about having sex. In other words, that they give their full consent.” Consent is an enthusiastic, freely-given, uncoerced, sober, “yes”.
- Consent is ALWAYS mandatory, whether you’re married, dating or just met.
- What is sex without consent? Rape/Sexual Assault.
- Sexual assault can be verbal, visual, or anything that forces a person to join in unwanted sexual contact or attention.
- What do I do if I’ve been sexually assaulted?
- Sexual assault prevention and awareness.
- Resources for sexual assault victims: United States.
- Resources for sexual assault victims: Canada.
- Resources for sexual assault victims: United Kingdom.
- More international resources.
- More resources.
- "While it’s common for [some] to feel pain or discomfort with sex, it’s not “normal” in that it has to happen or there isn’t an alternative. Sex is not supposed to hurt: it’s supposed to feel very good.”
[Inside the link above, it does explain what to do to make sure sex is not painful.]
Are there benefits to having sex?
- 10 Surprising Health Benefits of Sex.
- Top 11 Benefits of Having Sex.
- 14 Unexpected Benefits of Having Sex.
What does MOGII mean?
- Marginalized Orientation, Gender Identity, and Intersex.
It’s a synonym for LGBTQIAP+ and is inclusive for people who don’t have or don’t want labels, rejects allies, and uses no reclaimed slurs.
- "Sexual orientation describes to whom a person is sexually attracted. Some people are attracted to people of a particular gender; others are attracted to more than one gender. Some are not attracted to anyone."
- “Affectional orientation is a term that describes to whom a person is romantically attracted, acknowledging that for many people there are more components to attraction than just sexual desire.”
- "The ways in which a person identifies and/or expresses their gender, including self-image, appearance, and embodiment of gender roles. One’s sex (e.g., male, female, intersex, etc.) is usually assigned at birth based on one’s physical biology. One’s gender (e.g., man, woman, genderqueer, etc.) is one’s internal sense of self and identity.”
- Some gender identities.
- Some more gender identities.
- Genderqueer and Non Binary Identities.
- Resources for most Gender Identities.
(Resources for understanding gender identity, figuring out yours, how to come out to parents and friends, transitioning resources, local supports, and more!)
- "Some people who identify as asexual do not experience sexual attraction to other people, while others experience sexual attraction but no desire to act on these attractions."
- “Asexuality and Celibacy are not the same. Many people who are asexual live a celibate life, meaning that they do not engage in sex with others. But while Celibacy is a choice, asexuality is not.”
- "Asexuality is not a dysfunction, and there is no need to find a "cause" or a "cure."" [x]
- Are all people who identify as asexual sex repulsed? No!
- Asexual Visibility and Education Network.
What does transgender mean? (Resources below!)
- "Transgender – or trans – is an umbrella term for people whose gender identity is different from those typically associated with the sex assigned to them at birth (e.g., the sex listed on their birth certificate)." [x]
- "Transgender may be used to describe someone who was assigned female or male at birth, but later realizes that label doesn’t accurately reflect who they feel they are inside."
- Resources for transgender people.
- More resources for transgender people
- Coming Out as Trans
- All About Gender Therapy
- Trans Health Matters: Trans Women
- Trans Health Matters: Trans Men
- Top 10 Trans-Friendly Colleges
- “Intersex” is a general term used for a variety of conditions in which a person is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male.
- How common is intersex?
- Intersex Society of North America.
- Resources for intersex people.
- "A sexually transmissible infection (STI) is any infection or disease that can be passed from one person to another during sexual activity. Sexually transmissible infections include chlamydia, herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis, genital herpes, scabies, pubic lice (crabs), hepatitis and HIV (the virus that causes AIDS).”
- Why do we call them STIs now and not STDs?
- Everyone is at risk of obtaining an STI, but some are more at risk.
- STIs that can be contracted through non-sexual contact.
- Female / male condoms and dental dams.
- Finger cots (finger condoms).
- Post-exposure prophylaxis, is a short-term antiretroviral treatment to reduce the likelihood of HIV infection after potential exposure.
- Know the signs and symptoms of an STI. If you notice a symptom that worries you, get checked out!
- How do I get tested for STIs?
- What treatments are out there for STIs?
- To be pregnant is to have an embryo/fetus developing in your uterus. “A pregnancy is considered to be established only after implantation is complete.”
- "When engaging in unprotected vaginal intercourse during which ejaculation of sperm occurs in the vagina. The sperm can then travel up through the cervix, into the uterus, and, if an egg is present, the sperm may fertilize it."
- "It is also possible — but less likely — for a person to become pregnant through any kind of sex play in which semen, or ejaculate, comes in contact with the vulva. The sperm can travel through the moisture on the vulva into the vagina."
- WebMD’s Online Pregnancy Center.
- What to Expect: Pregnancy.
- Pregnancy Resources.
- If you’re pregnant you have three options; parenting, adoption, and abortion.
- Only you can decide what is right for you, definitely take some time to go over your options, but remember, the sooner you decide the more options you’ll have.
- Resources for Decision Making and Low Income Parenting.
- Abortion funds and Judicial Bypass.
How do you prevent pregnancy? (Check out birth control masterpost below.)
- "Birth control allows us to prevent pregnancy and plan the timing of pregnancy."
- Birth control is not a “one size fit’s all deal” there are all different kinds of birth control out there from hormonal to non hormonal, methods to medicines, and so on. The best way to figure out which birth control works best for you is by doing research and speaking with your doctor.
- ****Contraceptives Masterpost****
^^ Lists many birth control options (and links you to more information about these options), goes over emergency contraceptives and FAQs, birth control FAQs, options for people with allergies or personal preferences, and debunks myths about birth control.
- Lubricants that should not be used on condoms.
- Where can I obtain birth control/contraceptives?
- Guide to getting privacy under parent’s health insurance.
- 10 Ways to save on Birth Control.